How do I change a behavior I don't want? This is one of the most frequent healthy living questions people ask. It shows up over and over among my wellness coaching participants, usually in connection with a specific change the person wants to make.
Like these -
* I want to stop evening snacking.
* I want to get to bed earlier in the evening.
* I want to eat smaller portions when dining with friends.
* I want to choose healthier foods when eating in a restaurant.
* I want to exercise more.
Ready? Here we go with some tips.
Tip #1: Find and resolve conflicts with what you say you want.
I know you want it. Honest. However, I am suggesting that you also want something else that conflicts with it. You'll be more successful when you know what it is.
Examples:
* Comfort from eating foods mom used to serve
* The pleasure of taste
* Rewarding myself for hard work
* Exerting control over one part of my life when it seems everything else is beyond my control
* To be able to do whatever I want with no consequences
* Sympathy for my busy life & hard work
You might call these things side effects of the behavior you want to change. Between you and me, though, there's really no such thing as a side effect. There are only effects. Some of them you want and some you don't. In this case, sometimes your desire for the side effect drives a behavior you really don't want.
Once you distinguish what's really going on, the trick is to find another way to address the desired side effect more directly.
Tip #2: Word your desired behavior in terms of what you do want rather than what you don't.
It's much easier to choose a desired behavior than to not choose something you don't want. Often things come to our attention through the language of what we don't want.
Examples:
* I don't want to eat after dinner.
* I don't want to stay up so late.
* I don't want to feel stuffed after I eat.
The solut! ion in t his case is quite simple. Write down exactly what you don't want, just like I did above. Please don't do this in your head. Writing clarifies exactly what you're going for. Then switch the sentence around to what you do want instead.
Examples:
* I want to finish my last meal or snack by 7:00 pm.
* I want to be in bed by 11:00 pm.
* I want to eat just enough to feel pleasantly satisfied when finished.
Ok, that's two tips. Think them over. Try them out.
We'll have two more tips in Behavior Change Tips For Your Healthy Lifestyle -- Part 2.
Elizabeth Eckert can help you explore how simple everyday choices create health - or undermine even the best of intentions. With a background that ranges from energy medicine to structural bodywork to developmental psychology, this Stick-To-It Coach has the experience to support you in creating the healthiest possible expression of - you! Take a deep breath and download her free guide Transform Stress Into Power . You'll feel better!
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